Perks of being a Migraineur
Wondering why a rant on headaches? It’s the same as having a regular hangover right? Pfffft.. what is the big deal anyways, everyone has it at times. There there fella, no need to get worked up now.. If these thoughts popped up in your head oh-so-innocently, this is the right place for you to warm up your reading muscles mate!
Introductory Terminologies to be duly noted before we get started:
Migraine: When your brain wants to break free from the skull,making you want to shoot your head. / The need to check in the mirror to reassure yourself that your head isn’t being stabbed by a knife.
Migraineur: A person being subjected to the aforementioned.
1.Get accustomed to being looked upon weirdly from all angles
Want to know how it feels to be that regular mannequin in a museum? Want to be the center of attention wherever you go? No worries, hang out with a Migraineur in a battle-ready-gear-with-the-sun mode. If thy’s a girl, chances are she’ll be decked up all at once with sunglasses, cap and an umbrella and creeps would eye her for being such a diva. If thy’s a boy, he’s going to be laughed at for playing the Hawaiian dude who’s out on the streets to hit on girls.
2. Be ready to carry a medical dictionary with you everywhere (Or pray for an active internet connection for your dear friend google to not leave your side)
They’ll know the counter-strike lingo. Game of thrones behind-the-scenes. Background history of the company’s new employee. The worldwide political banter. But dare you tell them about this medical condition being accepted as a disorder by WHO. Their eyebrows will be crossed and lips would be pursed to give you the ‘are-you-a-geek-once-over’ or the casual ‘how-the-hell-should-we-know-that’ shrug.
3. Deal with how people want you to get over it: like you had a ‘bad breakup’.
You know these people care about you. want to help you as much as they can. However that’s where the problem lies. Being left alone would be better than being drained out of the remaining energy you have, trying to politely listen to the tried-and-failed remedies you hear over and over. (like the same song playlist put on a loop). While the self designated doctors tell you wacky homemade remedies, (which by the way can’t be said out loud here. Yeah that weird), the real ones give you pills which end up being your wasted rebounds.
4. Be robbed of the concept of personal space with the ‘One schedule you could do without’
For your best bud ‘round the corner is gonna stay right beside you,while you talk, smile, eat, fart, write, sing, dance.
- Want to celebrate your first life achievement? Confuse tears of happiness with that of pain.
- Spending a late night talking to an old friend who wants to catch up? Wake up like a zombie trying to drag himself outta bed.
- Prepping up for your brother’s big day? Get your most awful expression clicked in the photo-shoots, to be joked upon later while flipping through albums.
- Going on a blind date? Shoo your prospective soulmate away with your killer ‘can’t-stand-it’ expression.
All in all, it’s like this casual conversation going on here:
I: Finally ME time
Migraine: Or you could have a bodyache icing with jawpain coating, on the top of the spoilsport cake that am just gonna serve you.
5. Become an active member of the ‘I Hate Smokers’ club
The ‘I Hate Rachel’ club ain’t this Ross’ thing either. You would simply find yourself crossing ditches or running across the other end of a busy road,the moment you encounter a smoker. It’s like an unsnoozeable alert notification ringing in your head that signals danger which makes you choose a clumsy fella over a cute smoker as your dancing partner in a party.
6. Be a regular in witnessing the workplace ‘chills’
Air conditioning areas always send you in an Eskimo mode. So you end up being the work-post-it-note at every nook and cranny of your office space, being easiest to spot wrapped in that red riding hood scarf.
7. Your dark mode is always switched on
Night driving is a nightmare for you with all the headlights making your vision blurry and head spinning. End result: bask in the darkness of your ’lair’ (room if you prefer) for the next few nights reprising the role of the reclusive Arthur “Boo” Radley from ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’.
8. Your parents can’t be a part of the blame game
The concept of migraine being handed over as a genetic gift does not exist to the general public. “Migraine at a young age? Lol, you kidding right?” or “You kids see anything off the net and self diagnose yourself!” or better still ”You look fine,it’s all in your head dimwit” (Du-uh it’s invisible for you to confirm genius!)
8. You take everything as a challenge
Extreme display of emotions will never be in trend. Just as being clueless/preachy isn’t a solution, likewise taking pity on a migraneur and constantly reminding him how he won’t be able to do X-Y-Z, will infuriate the pain truckloads further. With the adrenaline pushing through with a renewed vigor of mixed rage and need-to-prove-himself attitude, he’ll end up doing everything in a haphazard manner, yet not raise the white flag.
10. Migraine is coming!
Every ‘victim’ has this premonition of an incoming attack called aura, which act as disturbances in the form of flashes of light/zig-zag patterns, blind spots, tingling sensation in your body or motion sickness.
So next time when you meet a migraineur, hopefully you’ll simply say with a deadpan face “What if i tell you I know how a migraine isn’t just a bad headache? ” Trust me this Neo will hug you straight away Morpheus (Go Figure this one out yourself!)
